Ask Travis
and Naomi
       
  Dear Trav and Naomi,
I love my best friend, but damn, she dresses like a hooker! I’ve known her a long time and she has only started dressing slutty in the last few years, and I can’t really figure out why. She’s smart and sweet and fun, but I don’t like going anywhere with her anymore because she attracts all the wrong kind of attention. All kinds of gross guys bother us and make lewd comments. I’ve tried steering her towards more tasteful, yet still sexy, clothes and she won’t go for it. She says it bothers her that people objectify her, but says she ‘shouldn’t have to hide her body to get respect.’ Huh? Any suggestions?

Thanks,
My Friend Is a Hoochie
SF

Trav: OK, I know as a gay guy I am supposed to be all up on the fashion questions, but let me digress first. I can sympathize with your sentiments. I had a boyfriend once who was a HORRIBLE dresser, and really, I don’t ask for much. It's like, at least match your pants and socks. Anyway, there was a night where I actually refused to leave the house until he changed.

Looking back, I feel it was kind of bitchy, yet appropriate. So to answer your question: Passive comments to steer your friend in the right direction cannot hurt. If your hoochie friend surprises you with a demure and groovy outfit, compliment up a storm and hope over time she will clean up her act. Until then, wonder if the way your friend dresses is worth losing a friend over.

Naomi: Losing a friend? Over slutty outfits? Give me a break. I don't think that your friend's clothing choices could warrant ending a friendship. I agree, however, that you can drop subtle hints or make sincere suggestions. You could also suggest a shopping spree and compliment more tasteful outfits.

If you don't feel comfortable going out with her and getting lewd comments, maybe stop going to clubs, bars, parties, etc., with her. Have her over for dinner. Go to the movies, the beach. She might get the hint and it could give you an opportunity to explain that men can be slow about noticing brains when her nipples are popping out of her halter top.

Dear Travis and Naomi,
At what point in a new romantic relationship is it OK to fart? I am in love with my new girlfriend and don't want to turn her off. Thanks.

Just Wondering
SF

Naomi: The question is: Does she love you? If so, expressing gas is usually acceptable and sometimes humorous (Note: The humor, however, wears thin soon. When you are with someone for a long time and they are constantly disturbing the air you breathe, it can get tedious.). If you're not sure about the strength of her love, you might consider waiting. Unless, of course, you are in pain, then, by all means toot away.

I do not think that farting makes or breaks a romance. Trav? I know you've got a strong opinion on this one.

Trav: Goodness. Such an interesting question, but before I spill my invaluable advice, I pose this question to Skinny readers: Is it not ruder to fart silently but deadly, than to make a loud fart that’s not so smelly? Sometimes I fart out loud because someone told me when I was young that it is bad for you to keep it inside. Kind of Freudian, I know. Butt, I find it grosser to suddenly smell this wafting fart bomb and have everyone around me acting all chill and innocent. It totally bugs!

 


  

Now, another pet peeve: How many times have we fallen for someone who, when the romance was new, was a perfect angel, then later you find out you’re with this total monster who was on their best behavior just to impress you? So I agree with Naomi ¯ farting does not a relationship break. In fact, if your lovah farts in front of you early in the game, they are probably a keeper, because you know the real person is present, farts and all.

Dear Trav and Naomi,
I’m a grad student who’s had a crush on one of my professors since I arrived here. We genuinely like each other and flirted innocently, but he is married and there is an age difference, so I never really wanted more. A while back, I met his son. We got along great and have now been dating for six months, but dad is acting distant with me since he found out. I have a few concerns: a) Am I transferring a crush from dad to son? I gave it some time before my boyfriend and I became intimate just to double-check myself, but how can I know for sure? And b) Is dad jealous or just being protective of his son? My boyfriend is seven years younger than me but is mature for his age (he's divorced). It’s not like I can talk to him about this ¯ what do you think? All this is making Sunday dinners with his family uncomfortable, to say the least.

Awkward in Omaha

Trav: Dear Awkward in Omaha - Oy, where to begin? You never say how you feel about the son other than you get along great. Most of your letter refers to the professor, which leads me to believe you still burn for him to teach you a lesson, if you know what I mean. If you and he had a connection, even without sex, of course he is going to be a bit jealous, especially if you’re dating his son. Ladies, please listen: The male ego is the most fragile thing on the planet. And I suspect you know dating his son gets to him and, even better for you, he seems to be responding. Is this payback because you couldn't get your first choice?

I may be wrong, but it doesn't sound as if you dig the son all that much. But it does sound as if you dig the drama of having the father and son both dig you - it’s power, baby, admit it!

Naomi: I agree with Travis on this one. It does sound like you are more concerned about the father (figure?) than the son. And, yes, I do have some words to say about teacher-student relationships ... I yearned for a teacher of mine once. It was torture. Had to leave the classroom one day to hyperventilate in the corridor. I digress. Sigh. What I mean to say is that it is dangerous territory, though teacher-student relationships happen more often than we all know about. As a student, it’s only natural to admire someone you respect. As a teacher, it is easy to prey on the innocent (no matter how old). Both teacher and student get something out of it, but it is not a good basis for a relationship.

Awkward, I am not accusing you of wanting such a relationship - I'm glad that neither of you took the flirtation that seriously. But how do you decide if your current relationship is not some sort of transferal? I think you need to decide first how you feel about your boyfriend. If you are with him because you are crazy about him, then it's time to have a tete-a-tete with dad. Tell him that you've noticed a change in your relationship since you started dating his son and you are worried that he does not approve.

Needless to say, if you are with the son because you can't be with daddy-o, it's time to move on. As always, the challenge is to be honest with yourself. Good luck.

 

About Trav and Naomi:
Travis flirted briefly with heterosexuality before becoming the cheeky gay boy we’ve all come to love. He and his boyfriend, Josh, live happily with their two dogs, Leo Sebastian and Alice Madonna.

Naomi is a vivacious lady in her ‘30s who teaches here in the City. One day she went to Europe and came back with an Italian hottie (now her husband) on her arm; they just celebrated the birth of their first child.