Advice: Ask Travis and Naomi

	Ask Travis and Naomi

	Dear Trav and Naomi, A coworker asked me out recently and, tho I like him a lot as a friend, I have no interest in dating him, so I told him I don't date people I work with. He backed off a bit, but still makes little jokes about quitting or trying to get fired so we can go out. Anyway, last week, a really cute new guy started working here, and there's definite interest on both of our parts. But how can I go out with this new guy when I told the first guy I couldn't date coworkers? I really don't want to hurt his feelings. Oh, and the two guys are roommates. Any ideas? Thanks, Guilty Conscience San Rafael, CA Trav: Babe, be honest, and let the chips fall where they may. Go out with the new coworker. Dating is a challenge most of the time, and dare I say not even that fun, so if you feel a connection with someone, you owe it to yourself to give it a try. I am not saying screw all of your friendships and relationships to get a date! Just tell people what you want and why you are doing it, and anyone who understands the dating scene will get where you are coming from. That said, a secretive fling can produce the most intense sex ever. Your thoughts, Naomi? Naomi: I have two ideas: 1. Tell the first guy that you've changed your mind about dating guys at work, go out with him and then tell him the truth - that you really like him as a friend but there is no chemistry. Then, you'll have come clean and can date the other guy with a cleaner conscience. 2. Go out with the cute guy a few times in secret - which is the way work romance should be anyway. See if it's worth stirring up trouble. Just because he's cute, doesn't mean that you should ruin a friendship, especially if he doesn't work out. And the roommate thing? Everyone, if they want, is capable of being secretive. I wouldn't even consider it relevant. Trav: Where are your ethics? I don't advocate lying. My final reply: Come clean and test out the hottie. Dear Trav and Naomi, My gay guy friends seem to be obsessed with my tits. Can you explain this? Thanks, Michelle SF Naomi: That's a familiar one. I'm a D cup and a gay guy that I know, ahem, quite well, likes to obsess over them. My advice: get comfortable with it and obsess right back. It's just good harmless fun.		Trav: Oh Naomi - This is our love story! Ok, I like boobs. I am a gay boob guy. My only explanation for the gay guy obsession with boobs is that I think gay guys dig chicks on that spiritual level. We love our girlfriends! And I think boobs are very non-threatening to us, and it's a way to show our girls we adore them and think they are sexy. The vagina ... it just gets too crazy for us gay guys. I think it may even SCARE some of us, so boobies win by default. So straight girls, the moral of this story is that if you have adoring gay guy friends who adore your boobs, use it and throw 'em a peek every now and then, and most of all, feel appreciated! Dear Trav and Naomi, So what's up with the term "date"? It seems so loaded with expectations for heteros, but full of grey areas for queers (e.g., are you gonna be lovers, buddies, or "friends with benefits"?). It's happened in hetero situations, where a friendship is progressing nicely only to have the whole dynamic thrown off when the issue of dating comes up. I guess I hate the idea that the relationship should then fall into preconceived notions of gender roles. How do you define a date, and do you think it differs for straights v. gays/lesbians/bisexuals? Thanks! Eustice SF Trav: Dear Eustice - Oh the Dating Game! For myself, if I go on a date with someone, then I feel there is the possibility for sex. Usually it has been pre-established that there is some sort of zing between the two parties, and the date is a tool to see where it will go. What is not a date for Trav is when you are in the same place with someone you burn for but no talk of your attraction has ever taken place. Maybe gay guys are more forward about their attractions and intentions when out on dates. Sex, or the possibility of sex, fills the air. Now my lesbian friends, on the other hand, can go months with a burning crush and not go for the lesbian love home run. It is a patience level I do not think gay gays possess. As for you breeders, my lovely comrade Naomi will have to take the ball. Naomi: Thanks, Travis, for presenting the two extremes of homo-dating hell. I must say that we "breeders" are more likely to fall somewhere in the middle - which provides endless confusion, misinterpretation and frustration. So, I don't really have one simple answer. I know that by the time I was 25, I'd had at least 15 sexual partners and was never sure if I'd ever been on a date. A date could be a night out, coffee, lunch, dinner, breakfast, a roll in the hay, a party, a movie and more. Rather than defining the undefinable, my advice is to be direct. Ask the person: Is this a date? The answer could still be nebulous. Or a lie. Your "partner" could be in denial. But at least you've put it out there. Best of luck to you. It's a tough world for love out there. About Trav and Naomi: Travis flirted briefly with heterosexuality before becoming the cheeky gay boy we've all come to love. He and his boyfriend, Josh, live happily with their two dogs, Leo Sebastian and Alice Madonna. Naomi is a vivacious lady in her '30s who teaches in San Francisco. One day she went to Europe and came back with an Italian hottie (now her husband) on her arm; they just celebrated the birth of their son, Zeke.